Okay so I have really been busy compared to what I normally am. I am really excited and focused on my site launch and that is really my primary focus. Out side of that during the day I am doing the IT thing at Children’s Hospital. And for me it is the thing that is feeding my family and my business. But unless you are in my shoes (regardless of your own personal position) you probably would have no F’n clue where my heart or my mind is. Some of you are close enough to me to have an idea so you get the pass…but all you motherfuckers whom I have told exactly where I am at mentally and you didn’t take my words for what they were…this post is for you!!!
THE GREAT EXPERIMENT…at it’s best:
Firstly let me point out something…I am a GEMINI!!! I think is it one of the best zodiac signs to have because it allows you the ability to change or camouflage at the blink of an eye and the only one that know is you…ha…ha…ha
Being who I am…there are a couple things you must know about me, (and honestly I could care less if you take heed to this or not. If I “kirk-out” on your ass that is because you was not paying attention to this very important information) I come from a family of “Hustlers” and they all woman. My grandmother, my mother, my aunts were lady hustlers. I had some a couple male cousins who had legit side businesses that I picked up something from too. What was that something? It was I was born to be a business owner, not spend the rest of my life working for someone else making them rich and hoping when my time came to retire be able to live and pay my bills.
So my mind is constantly on a way to LEGITIMATELY make money to support my family, my business, and myself. Speaking of family…that is another motivating factor. As much as I have started to get to this place where internally not knowing my father is what it is, that is still a big deal to me. It is what makes me go through what I go through daily. And like many of you I don’t have to go through NOTHING if I so choose not to. But for the sake of my family and the promises I made to them and myself I go through. But don’t sleep and think I won’t tell your ass where to get off at.
Which segways into what I want to call “Sean’s Great Experiment“:
This experiment has been done numerous times and in numerous places without any warning. And it is amaizing the things I learn and equally funny how the test subjects act before, during, and after the experiment. I am in the middle of it right now but “what the hell” I wanted to write about this one. It has been said if you don’t want them to know but it in a book because they won’t read it. Well I have been blogging for a while now and I can be honest….based upon the responses…not too many folks are really reading the blog. The lack of comments from real people, the lack of emails or phone calls, and the stats I get says it all. PROVE ME WRONG!!!!
In almost every job I have worked on I have always prided myself on being the one who tries to make the day fun and easy going. Even when I am going through my own personal issues and concerns, I will come to work laughing, smiling, and cutting up just to make the day easier. Whether you know it or not it takes a helluva lot to do that because at the end of the day I still have to deal with what I left outside the job. And just because I may be in the mindset to resolve it doesn’t always mean other parties are…and that is just life as we know it.
So last week I woke up and decided I needed to try to get a few things done for my site launch. Now this meant when I got to work I was really gonna have to focus on both the job and what I needed to do for the site. That meant no coming in bouncing off the walls and cutting jokes. Now I get in and say good morning to everyone and jump right into what I needed to do. And within a few hours folks began asking me “What’s wrong?”. Of course there was nothing wrong with me and I don’t know how many times I had to explain nothing was wrong, I was just focused on getting a few task done. I don’t know how many ways or forms of dialect I had to use just to say “NOTHING IS WORNG”.
I even explained it 1-on-1 to a few co-workers. Out of the 5 (that I remember telling 1-on-1) coworkers only 1 wanted to be an asshole about it. So I figured I would remained focused and get the task at hand done. Mind you it really did PISS ME OFFbecause of his response to another coworker about my being quiet. I had to slightly step out of character just to let him know I didn’t appreciate the fact that he was making light of something I said I needed to do. But in turn it made me want to continue on being quiet because I wanted to actually find out about the kats I work with. And so we roll into the second day. I come in quietly, say good morning to the co-workers and get ready to get to work.
Now all of a sudden selected folks don’t want to talk to me. And you can tell they don’t because in their body language it says…”We think something is wrong”. My question is this…”Where the HELL is it written that I can’t be quiet if I want to?” I mean it is busy enough in this place and I have earned the right to mentally and verbally chill without issues. And even if it was something wrong I bet those same fools (who thought something was wrong) wouldn’t do JACK SHIT to help me out. One thing I am sick of hearing from people is “Don’t worry it will be alright“. I am a believer in this saying “GOD helps those who help themselves“. I don’t believe in praying until your knees are raw and waiting for someone to drop it in your lap. I have been through that “I PROMISE” crap.
And the biggest thing is this…keeping me motivated to go after that which I desire and keeping my faith during the process is task enough. So I DAMNsure nuff don’t have time to wait for someone to get to me when they feel they are ready to, or give me half of what I specifically stated I needed. So I have learned so much about the kats that I work with and it has been such an eye opener. We got one that swears he knows everything from a technical sense and on my worse day he still could match me. This dude takes a simple ticket and makes it seem like Geometry & Chinese Arithmeticwrapped up in one. Then we got one that is and I quote the words that came out of his mouth “Cut to obey rules”. That’s a load of bullshit! This is the same kat that made such a stink about feeling like he offended someone by not speaking english with another coworker on the elevator here at work. But he speaks his native tongue with that same coworker when they are down here in our office. What a contradiction!!!
And the sad part is it is like crabs in the barrel. Everybody in their own way is shooting for the same thing…a permanent position but don’t have no scruples on how they go about it. I come from that school where you just do your work, ask for help when you need it, and be happy that you were able to help someone out. Short & Simple! In the end you see that “A paycheck is better than NO paycheck“. Now I will say this…There are a few here I would work with in a heartbeat because we have the same ideology. It’s not about stepping on someones back to get out but extending a hand to pull someone out with you. I have a great amount of respect for them all but I am gonna be who I am and that is that.
I will work with them (when I have to), and party with them (when I want to) but am not gonna change who I am because for the sake of something that is not promised to me. I am not stupid. I have worked contracting before and we all think the same way “I want to make this position permanent” unless we are actually making some real money on the side. Some of us work together in hopes of being kept and some of us will cut a motherfuckers throat to get the position. What even funnier is how some of them act like they are gonna get a commission on the tickets they are doing. It’s a shame we have elvolved into these kind of folks.
I mean really “Who the “F” do you think you are“? NEVER FORGET….Just as quick as you have it, that shit could be taken away from you. I have lived that one and know. Let me do what I have to do and stop trying to put on me what isn’t of me!
